Ironclad Performance Wear Cycling Team
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Words That Do Not Exist In Cycling – But Should
These are words that should exist in our sport, but do not as of yet. Well until now. Sort of.
Schnooble – (verb) shnoo bel – A schnooble, (schnoobling, or “I schnoobled myselfâ€) occurs when one is pulling up their arm warmers at the top and their grip is lost, resulting in a self inflicted punch to the face area.
Manglerscheinung – (adjective; from old Dutch) 1. the sound of blowing a snot rocket; 2. describing the residue left from mucus, usually found on gloves, shorts, shoes.
Cropdusting – Farting on members of your immediate peloton, then sprinting away.
Whisslahp – a thin tendril of drool that escapes during high speed descents.
Teuf-Teuf - when you slip off a pedal and jab your
taint (perineum) on the tip of your saddle.
Schnortette – (noun; orginated in Saskatchewan circa 1900), when one spits (accidentally or not) on following cyclists, also counts towards overages of snot rockets.
Dimp – (verb – I dimped) – to skip your pedal on the pavement while turning. Can result in a crash.
Flumper – (noun) A road so bumpy it turns ones prostate into a diamond
baboon (v) – when you teuf-teuf so hard that your grundle, taint, or
labia bruises a bluish-pinkish-purple; thusly, when you strip down to
nothing and get on all fours, you may be mistaken for a baboon from
behind. Red assed and of poor disposition.
Dip Snaz- Cat 5 rider on a $6000+ bike.
Booge: verb/noun – When your chamois butter develops a hard,
cheese-like clog in the opening and you have to squeeze like hell to
get it to come out; then suddenly it does, hitting the palm of your
hand with such momentum that it splats all over your face, kit, sweet
ironclad base layer, etc.
Usage: This morning, I was getting ready to butter up and I booged
myself so bad I had a flashback of that time I got drunk with Ron
Jeremy.
Musettenger Bag : noun – an ultra-small messenger bag, approximately the size
of a musette and not capable of carrying more than loose change, a
single tampon and 3 single cigarettes. sometimes adorned with fancy
embroidery costing equal the price of the bag itself, almost always worn
by someone with a sideways baseball cap in place of his or her helmet.
Norker – noun – a gap in the riding surface sufficiently deep to cause immediate, split-second wrecks, even though the rider attempts to account for the hazard. Cracked pavement, railroad or streetcar tracks, and roadside curbs are applicable norkers.
The Piston – n – A breakfast consisting of 10 grain oatmeal, dates, a bowl of
fruit, and a big mug of Stumptown coffee. Best not to eat this on
race day…
Gludrodroit – n. – A person who races late season crits for the sole purpose to train for cyclocross.
Chamsquatch - n. – A person who, when finished with their race, takes the time to put on a t shirt and regular shoes but opts to stay in the chamois. Borderline retarded. Can be easily manipulated with micro brew or clif blocks.
Cycloscat – A cyclocross race conducted on a course laden with animal poop.
Got one to share? Send it in to us at rider15 at gmail.com
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May I suggest ‘Poopercharger’ as an alternate to ‘Apollo 11′?