New Job Description: Beer Security

Does your Beer get picked on? Harassed? Maybe the Martinis are heckling your Beer’s fat ass again? Or is it that the Rob Roys and Manhattans have your beer cornered, stealing not only lunch money but dignity as well? And those jocks, the MicroBrews, they pantsing your Beer in the locker room again?

If you want to keep your shitty, cheap, generally weak American beer protected, well then call the latest and greatest in Beer Security : Ironclad Energy Drink In Ass Kicking Cans.

With Ironclad Energy, Your Beer can now walk into the party and kick Jack Daniels right in his balls, if he so cares. Neither Jack, nor his asshole buddy Jim Beam, or that other buttstab, Jose Cuervo, will ever fuck with your Beer again with Ironclad on the security tip. We promise. Your Beer can walk up to that sexy Lemondrop all by his lonesome under the watchful eye of Ironclad Energy and lay down his funky groove without fear of retribution. All it takes is two cans of Ironclad Energy, and your Beer can walk into a huddle of Microbrew sanctimony and swipe the gaggle of those hottie Strawberry Daquiris right from under them. And never again will those closeted Cokes and Pepsis talk shit about how their can is thicker than your Beer’s. Sure buddy, your name is Sierra Mist for Christ’s sake! Right. Aw yeah….it pays to be protected!


Bud Weiser fears no other drink in the club Stovetop this past Saturday. Look at that swagger!

One Response to “New Job Description: Beer Security”

  1. ohhman February 3, 2009 at 1:53 PM # Reply

    the human body… the right tool for the job

Leave a Reply