Monster Made of Mud and Gravel Eats Humans, All Hell Breaks Loose.

Good times! Well, for most. A lot of our brothers and sisters got walloped but good today at Barton Park, some taking exit via the meatwagon. Some wacky nut job might make a case for this race being a sign of the end times (right, Sarah?) or some may realize that the crows have come to roost finally in Oregon ‘Cross. Yup, hell hath no fury like a ‘Cross season suppressed by good weather for too long. Of course, we have a ton of photos with more coming, so keep clicking HERE to check back and see the images from the greatest monster movie set since Godzilla was big pimpin’.

The early part of the day was muddy, but not that muddy

Mother Nature threw just enough sky piss on the matter to make the whole affair a muddy one. And the course was mostly of the worst material possible for rain and mud: gravel. Some death defying descents and off cambers exacted a heavy toll on the noble knights of the Crusade, coming in the form of torn flesh and broken bone. Yes, the Barton Monster had come to play, and to collect a debt. “You’ve had good weather and good times for too long”, said the Barton Monster, “and now I’m going to kick the ever loving shit out of you.” And so it did. Try as we might, our “human wave” assault proved no better than fodder for the Barton Monster. To all those that are disabled this morning, we offer whiskey and pain killers. From our college days, we know that crushing and snorting your Percocet is a good way to go when the pain is too much. Just sayin’. Small toots, big payoff.

For the Ironclad team, there was a good all around effort! Anna Clark, Erin Willig, and Vanessa Cass turned in top 15’s in their respective fields for the womenfolk, assisted by KMac, MK47, Steph, Eva, and Ginny. For the menfolk we had The Colonel, Dave, Gerow, Brody, Ryan, Crawfy, Voytilla, Tyler, and Willis. Almost everyone got over the line, and for a race like this, we’ll take it.

Brody dodges the karate kicks of this fallen rider

Lo, it was heard emergency rooms made a little cash off of us yesterday. Damn! Even the poobah himself, K-Man, fell victim to the clavicle credit card. Pay up. Poor guy, we wish you well, friend.

Right before the B/SS race, the skies opened up for about ten solid minutes, just to make the affair a little dirtier. We went from Hollywood porn dirty to German porn dirty and the remainder of the schedule had to deal with even sloppier conditions. And to think, while warming up for the Master C race, the sun was actual warm and plentiful. Not for long. Like Pearl Harbor on that fateful morning, the scene went from utopia to carnage in no time flat. Forget kits or numbers, the riders were a monochromatic procession of grimaces and swear words. Good times!

Willis remembers his cozy warm bed, only a few hours prior

The mud seeped into some of our chicks’ brains we think, as evidenced by a healthy trounce-fest with sisters from Team Beer. A mud wrasslin’ extravaganza broke out, much to the delight of the crowd. What’s not to like?

Trips right, zoom 33, slash red, on two

There is a video of the wrasslin’ womenfolk, if you want to see it, CLICK HERE. Watch the race action, then at the end there’s the People’s Elbow, etc. You’ll dig it. You always do.

We’ll see you on Saturday racing on a golf course, and Sunday as well at the good ol’ SSCXWC. Let me just tell you, we have got the bike to beat all bikes for this affair. You just wait. Whatever you got, it ain’t as cool as what we got. Details coming….